I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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