Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
