For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
