Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
