i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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