i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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