I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
