i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
