the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
