im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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