At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
