Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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