Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
not ubering you a puppy
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
