Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
