It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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