I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
