Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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