if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
