Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
there's paper in my vomit.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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