There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
