everyone is single if you try hard enough
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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