and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
