my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
