I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
