Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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