LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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