She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize