brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
