That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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