weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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