For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
