think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
