so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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