Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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