This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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