If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
