Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
