I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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