he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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