Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
