dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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