remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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