remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Ketchup is God's man juice
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
