I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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