he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
