Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
