why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
