So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she told me i tasted like america
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
