this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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