# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
