her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
