I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
