Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
