Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
