I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize