Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
