i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
