I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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