oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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