YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
