There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
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