I understand Curling. That high.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
