i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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