He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Semen is not good for contacts.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
