we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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