mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
