We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
