My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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