i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
