Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
