Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
