"it" just moved
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
