maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
