make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
